so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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