I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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