you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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