Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
