hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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