Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
