i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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