He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
