I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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