how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize