and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
