She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
