It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
