I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
