i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
