if you like me you must not know who I am
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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