i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
