you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
