Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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