thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
