mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
