For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
