i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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