FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
