U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Randomize
