my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
