I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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