Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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