Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
