and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize