And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
