I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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