The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
