he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
