Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So vagazzling was a success
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
