im holly from the hills drunk
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
