Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
