he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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