her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize