Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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