Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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