She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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