There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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