I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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