I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
