Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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