Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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