When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
