oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
