It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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