Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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