3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
