so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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