Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
