Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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