We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
