P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
