so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
