I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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