Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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