she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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