He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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