I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
