Grow some girl-balls and come out already
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
