I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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