Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
