You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
